Let me share an example. The translation of the Confucius Analect above is, “Do not worry or be upset about others not understanding you, but worry about you not understanding others.” (孔子说：“不要担心别人不了解自己，应该担心的是自己不了解别人。”)

There is a similar saying in English, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” The teaching is especially useful when we are in disagreement with another person. However, it is not an easy task when one has a preference for “direct communication” and is from an “individualist” culture (e.g., Anglo-Saxon.) Moreover, if one is taught like me in my western education, i.e., that if I do not speak up on what I disagree with, I therefore condone and assume a position as a passive participant.

Whereas, suppose I were to follow Confucius’ teaching. In that case, I should not be bothered about others not understanding my position, but I should be patient first to understand why people behaved the way they did that triggered the angst.

While the two approaches seem to be very different, I finally realised we can still have the same purpose and goal. That is, if I were to take the Confucius way, once I have understood why people have behaved the way they did, I will be able to find a more convincing way to speak my mind that will help reach an agreement with them, albeit taking a longer time.